From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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