What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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