and you said cock pushups were impossible
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
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