It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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