I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
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The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
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Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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