Well douche your snatch and let's go!
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
