Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Your cock deserves a montage
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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