We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
