I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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