i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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