i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
