I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
