if only i could text you this smell
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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