I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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