Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize