i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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