operation harelip BJ is a go
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize