If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
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My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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