woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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