we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
