piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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