your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
