Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I think I sprained my soul last night
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize