so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
