I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
