I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
