If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
