I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
