so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
third nipple confirmed
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
