Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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