I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
