every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
