sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
