I have demons in me.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
