Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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