Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize