and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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