do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
