Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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