if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I seem to have left my pride at pride
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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