I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
