so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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