At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
