im drinking this country out of the recession.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
