so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
