I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
