Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
