Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
