when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
