I must be too annoying 4 u.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
