I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
