This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
