As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
cat food counts as protein by the way
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
