My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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