I'm pants shitting drunk right now
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
How external is "for external use only"?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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