If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
