Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I could have mohawked her pubes.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
