my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
