Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
