Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
